elephant in the room

i hate it when people say they are fine when they are not.
and then they go all quiet and there is an awkward silence.
they just sit there comatose.
you feel like slapping them, or shaking them.

If your pissed at me, yell, scream, shout, bitch, swear AT ME!

don't sit there and tell me nothing is wrong. cos obviously something is!

people suck

putting my foot in it

there are things apprently that you should not do on a first date.

1) talk about the ex
2) talk about your best friend (who happens to be of the opposite sex)
3) talk about sex

1)
talking about their ex is gonna bring back feelings for someone else, even if they are ones of hate... which does not allow feelings or focus to be directed at you. all of which either kills the mood or makes you look like a lump of cheese.
talking about your ex makes them think your either a) a psychopath b) a stalker c) still hung up or d) all of the above

2)
talking about your best friend of opposite sex (even if its a mutual friend) is not wise either.
especially mentioning that you share their bed occasionally... cos your date aint gonna believe you that there isnt any hanky panky going on. and even if this friend is like your bro/sis to you... they aint gonna believe it. they are on a date with you cos they think your attractive, imagining you (their attractive date) in bed with another and nothing happening.... they won't believe you!

3)
ok this one people might disagree with me.
but you don't know their sex life or lack their of. their history etc.
and your either gonna sound really horny/desperate or really prying or just totally put your foot in it... so no, its not sexy to talk about sex.

BUT OF COURSE
I only know these things, cos i've done all these things. and now i feel like a complete idiot.

sharing the shame :)

growing up

somehow have stopped being a selfish little brat.
well maybe not ENTIRELY stopped.
but i am appreciating my parents more and being more understanding.
there is a point when you realise that your parents are humans with feelings and want and desires. who get tired and fed up and want to be lazy sometimes too.
and maybe you could put the dishes away, or straighten up the living room or go get your dad a drink.

and the funny thing is, you feel good when you do something nice for someone else. its its own reward.

change

Well hello there...

change is good. but why?

recently i decided to change some things about myself.
I fearlessly let a complete novice cut all my hair off with kitchen scissors on my balcony
because, well why the hell not? its just hair, it grows back and i didnt think it was such a big deal, i certainly didnt care. but the reaction from people i know, its ridiculous.. its hair for craps sake. I'm still the same person, and just cos i have short hair doesnt mean i'm a lesbian. seriously i was astonished at the stupidity of people. if i dont care, why should they?

I quit woolworths. cos i figured it was time for a change, and honestly, i think my intellect and social skills demand i find a job a little more challenging. so before i even had another job lined up, i just walked in and resigned. ahhh good feeling... (ps anyone wanna give me a job)

I swallowed my pride and moved back into my parents place.

I am trying to ask more interesting questions and listen more to my friends.

It all feels very.. liberating... but why?
i think its because of Agency.
As a human being I can choose and do.
and i think sometimes we forget that. we let the media, others, society, institutions.. tell us what we want, what we should think and feel, what behaviour is right.

well screw that.

change.

do something for you, that makes you feel good.
learn something, get out of your comfort zone and try something.
decide to get off this damn computer and read a frickin book. i dont care.

but i think we should all realise the great self power we have to be individuals. and embrace it a little more.